#urmorethan

What is #urmorethan about?

For the past few weeks I have been posting graphics combined with my own sentiments that relay to others what I want the #urmorethan movement to be about. Think of #urmorethan like a best friend heart necklace; it is a 2 part movement which both tie together to create something beautiful.

Embracing mental health & empowering women.

Embracing mental health: Mental health across the board is something that is stigmatized. My goal is to erase the stigma of mental health and treat it in a more proactive way. Historically and currently society tends to treat those who have been diagnosed with mental illnesses as disabled, “crazy”, unappealing or less than. Those adjectives are far from the truth. Many people with mental illness diagnosis lead healthy, happy lives, if you have yet to seek help know that this could be you. The World Health Organization cites that women are two times more likely than men to develop certain mental health conditions. It is my belief that one contribution to this statistic is women living the lives they are “expected” to live and not their truths. Having a diagnosis doesn’t diminish who you are and shouldn’t be viewed as a negative no more than having a physical illness is: #urmorethan your diagnosis, #urmorethan the medication you take and #urmorethan a loner in this fight!

Empowering women to be more than: Initially accepting this passion in my life and starting this movement I did have hesitation. I did wonder if people would think I was a mother who hated my children, my husband, and my life and wanted out. I wondered if my thoughts seemed selfish. But l only wrote truth and only wrote from experience so I didn’t know what else to do. I am so blessed that my intentions and my message has been so well received. I am actually blown away that friends I have yet to meet and friends I may never meet have commented things such as “I just love this”, “love your feed” and “keep the encouragement coming!!! It helps us as mommies.” #urmorethan is not about hating our lives, it is about acknowledging guilt free, with confidence that we are all more than what meets your eye. We are more than mothers, more than wives, more than students. #urmorethan is not only an external movement, it is an internal movement. See many women, including myself have been through struggles in which we didn’t know which side of the coin we were one. Many women, again including myself have lived one life externally while longing for another one in our minds. Many women constantly give affirmations and inspiration while needing someone to pour back into them. Society is full of double standards, most of which affect women in a negative way.

Is this movement just for wives and mothers? Absolutely not! The #urmorethan movement is for women of ALL kinds. The slogan I use for #urmorethan is More than a wife, more than a mother, more than _____________. That blank can be for ANYTHING.

Comment below and let us know what #urmorethan & until the next time! Be more 😉

Who are you?

I've been working on this blog for what seems like years. I had the concept, I would tell people to look out for it but yet it stayed in draft status. It wasn't until recently that I realized why. One of my friends Natisha posted this thought provoking gem:

Who ARE you?

What are your deepest desires?

What do you want more than anything else in the world?

When you are able to speak from THAT place, this is when you're really able to get CRYSTAL clear on who and where your clients are.

It was at that moment it hit me. I realized that while I had many people I wanted to serve, there was one group that consistently stood out to me. I had avoided identifying my target audience because I am new at this entrepreneurial thing, who am I to focus on certain clients only? But when a friend puts a mirror in your face like she had done, what other choice did I have but to take another step in my purpose.

My ideal client is women, it's mother's, wives, working moms, stay at home moms, etc. I wanted to serve the woman. To empower her that she is more than just a __________.

My ideal client was me!
See many moments in my life I had struggled with people labeling me, identifying based on my roles. Oh you're his daughter or you're her mom. And everytime it would get under my skin and internally I would shout NO! I AM ME, I AM KATESHA!

I had struggled with society's loudly unspoken statement that you can either be a career woman or a family woman. You can either live life to the fullest or you can be married. Again I rejected this! I was determined to do it all. To have my family AND my career. To be a great wife AND mother as well as a great friend. To enjoy family time AS WELL AS me time.

Have I always done it right?
Not at all

But what is life without failures? Even when tracked on a machine, the heartbeat goes up and down.

So to any woman reading this, know that you are "more than". Know that it doesn't have to be or it can be and. <insert note to self here lol: I can walk in this purpose AND still help others as well>

So, allow me to reintroduce myself:
My name is Katesha Reid, owner & therapist at KDReid Services. I am a mental health professional to all but my speciality is serving women!

Open Apology

An apology to my friends:

Webster defines an apology as an admittance of regret or failure, acknowledging that although you may have done what was best for you or what you knew to do, you later realize that you could have handled things better. 

My apology is to "YOU"! You is any friend I have witnessed experiencing hurt, any friend I have witnessed dealing with any mental health incongruency, any friend I have not helped. Know that I see you, I may even try to help although not always effective. Know that I have questioned myself. I have asked myself how I can ever return to my professional arena if I can't help you. How can I help others if I didn't even know you engaged in self harming behaviors. Why didn't I call and visit more to check in on you. Why didn't I notice the large amount of time you stayed in the house. Why didn't my intuition kick in. Your life was on the edge and I was nowhere to be found. To caught up in my own world dealing with my own demons. When I saw you that day I knew something wasn't right but I didn't push the issue. I saw the physical manifestation of your sadness but I pulled away and said nothing because you said nothing and I didn't want to pry. Later we realized that you saw sadness in me and said nothing. People think it's easy to confront friends when they are going through things but it's not always that way. Friendships are so delicate and so precious that sometimes like flowers we do nothing but admire their beauty. And you, I missed the depression you went through. For some I didn't miss it, I just didn't know what to do, how to help. It's so different when the person you need to help is someone you love and not just a client sent to you by referral and that you know nothing about. I don't know if I should be therapist or friend. I don't know if I should push the issue or give you space. This is why doctors aren't allowed to operate on family. This is why I was taught to never treat someone I had a personal relationship with. I knew some of the struggle you have with comparison and I feel bad as a therapist, as a friend for even saying things like at least you have xyz. I just wanted you to be happy. I misread so many instances as ungratefulness when that wasn't even what it was. I stared at many comments not knowing how to respond. I avoided so many conversations bc I felt hopeless as how to help, bc I had something happy to share but was unsure how to share because I didn't want you to feel bad. I wanted to push the issue to dive in head first but I knew my emotional limitations and none of my suggestions or advice was helping which only frustrated me. I was upset that I couldn't seem to "fix it". Not knowing how to balance wanting to help with needing to keep myself from depression caused me many days of silence. In some ways I failed you. I wanted to do an intervention, I wanted to slap the people who shamed you. I wanted to fix everything. I needed you to be happy. Not out of selfishness but out of survival. Silently I realized despite my profession, despite the years we've been friends, despite the need I had and desire I had...I couldn't fix it. I prayed and left it in God's hand. I didn't know what would happen I didn't know when He would move but I believed......

I apologize to every friend who once told me that they knew there were things going on with me and they never reached out and now wished they had. I apologize because I never understood what that meant, I never fully understood why that was but now I do. See God does this thing with me where I have moments of not being empathetic or sympathetic because I would never...and then he puts me in those situations and I am humbled. See many times when my friends would say I thought you were dealing with...but I just never reached out or I wanted to reach out but you were in a negative space....but now I'm glad you're better. I would just smile and nod yet i was thinking wow, how could they not reach out to me. But now I know. See now that I'm back in Alabama...the place I told God I would never be lol I have a lot of time to reflect. I understand those friends in a way I have never understood them before because now I am that friend and I apologize.

Background Info (couldn't think of a title)

Ever since I have been in the therapist role people have always complimented me on how empathetic I was, how I was so down to earth and nothing like they had expected or previously experienced. I never knew how to respond because I was simply treating others as I would want to be treated. I didn't see them as their problems and I wanted nothing more than to help them. I went into my first job breaking rules. I helped the girls with their hair, I paid for things out of pocket, I talked to them one on one. See no one who worked in an office unattached to the daily lives of these girls could tell me that having a girl walking around with low self esteem due to her hair looking unkempt was appropriate just because the non clinical people feared that she would become sexually aroused by someone teaching them the things their mothers are supposed to. You know the mothers who for whatever reason weren't there. I would soon find out that this "helping field" I had entered was more like a game of paperwork; atleast the lane I was in. I found myself becoming more of a writer than a helper, more a deadline maker than a therapist, more of a case manager than a counselor...and I hated it. From my first job in residential I was told that I wasn't going to do well in this field because I didn't know how to play the game. I voiced my opinion to much, I cared about the resident to much, I was to attached. Instead of coming in accepting status quo I wanted to know why the issues that were so obvious and influential to the treatment of the clients we cared about were not being addressed. 

Fast forward 6 years, atleast 4 different employers, 2 different cities and I was still being told the same thing. Still expected to play the numbers game, still expected to work without the security of my check being available to me on payday. Still expected to provide therapy when I myself needed the resources I was providing the clients. I needed to know about foodbanks, I needed to know about utility payment assistance, I needed my passion back. Slowly I saw myself becoming the very worker I hated. Someone who in session only focused on what I would write in my note, only focusing on why I had to overload my caseload to make rent payments from a check that may or may not be there. I found myself being verbally abused by employers with no sense of what to do. I had learned the game, I had learned all about the system, I knew the business inside and out but now I was considered a threat. "Just because you know all this information doesn't mean we need you." "Oh you think you're better than me because you have a Masters degree don't you." Actual statements made by supervisors and mentors. 

Fast forward to 2015 I'm back in a place I said I would never be...Alabama. I am in a state of sadness I just can't shake. Could this be depression? I mean how did I get here, it's like a bad car accident and the last thing I remember was going to court because I couldn't make rent. Someone who worked 2 jobs couldn't make rent. I hated my field. I hated the people I had met in the field minus like 5. I hated that I had settled for this field. I hated that I didn't care about people anymore. I didn't have the patience or the empathy, the care or the fire I once had. 

God is this the path for my life? Seriously! Did I go through all that schooling and all that life experience to be a stay at home mom. Has life made me compassion-less? Has life jaded me? The one who was going to save the world. The one who took the struggles of others on her shoulders and neglected herself to fix others. I would spend hours listening to people with the intent of helping them now I try a few times and after that I just let it be what it will be. I mean I have my own issues to deal with. Did I actually think that? This isn't my mind...where am I? Now I see my timeline of things I would once care about and I shake my head. I can't deal...I put my phone away. 

Fast forward to 2016 I am out of the depression ALL PRAISES TO GOD!!! I have vented to my friends, my husband and my God. I have prayed and He has restored me. But I still have a lingering question...what is my professional destiny? It's clear I love to help people, that fire is still burning but I just don't see myself going back to 1 on 1 therapy. Emotionally I feel to fragile, I feel to vulnerable, Professionally I can't go through what I went through again it was to traumatic. Through prayer and networking God sent a business coach my way and I was able to realize that my experiences were all a part of God's plan for my life. My purpose, who I am called to be. Everyone has a purpose, everyone is a purpose and when you speak it outloud you just know that's it. When I spoke my purpose. I realized it was something I had desired to do before but due to fear I had never pursued it. How many thing are we missing out on due to fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of making less money, fear of failing. For every person, every therapist, every man, every woman know that everything we go through in life is for a divine purpose and that you are a purpose. If you dont know that purpose I challenge you to take the time to find it. If you know it I challenge you to develop a plan to achieve it and if you have a plan I challenge you to DO! BE! LIVE! INSPIRE! CHANGE!